If You Would Have Told Me LAST Thursday…

Let me get the most important information out of the way. Yes, my hemorrhoids are fine. I knew that you really, really needed to know that. (The suspense was killing you, right?)

So, this is Day Seven. Day seven of a week long hospital visit in which I started out from my apartment thinking that I might need a different cream, or even a few antibiotic tablets for this (admittedly ugly) infected mosquito bite.

If you would have told me, last Thursday, that they would send me straight to a hospital room, incarcerate me for seven days and stick gigantic needles into me…

I would have either laughed at you, or fled the country.



Of course, I also understand that this must be something that I need to go through. God ALWAYS looks out for me, and everything that happens to me is ALWAYS for a good reason.

Would you believe that I have yet to see anything happen to me that I have not later realized was a really good thing?

There is not a single event in my life that I was not eventually grateful for in some way.

Now, my own stupidity is another thing entirely. The above statement does NOT include those. I’ve done plenty of things that I regret, and I expect that my future will be full of stupid decisions that I may even regret more. (NEVER believe that your dumbest decisions are behind you.)

It’s a gift, a special talent.

Anyway, this is Day Seven, and there is yet another needle in my arm. This time, I’m being pumped full of 250mg of Prednisone.

Can I assume that it will help with the hemorrhoids?

Maybe I should take this moment to mention that my family has a long history of auto-immune problems. I’m just surprised that it took this long to for an auto-immune problem to… uh… bite me in the ankles. I’m not sure if I’ve been lucky, or just good at ignoring the obvious.

So now, I join the serried ranks of illustrious family members that do steroids.

Now, for those of you who expect me to walk into church with bulging muscles and extra chest hair, I hate to disappoint you, but…  It’s not that kind of steroid.

Not that I have anything against anabolic steroids. Really, I don’t. If you want to do that to your body, go ahead – as long as you’re over the age of 21 and not competing in the Olympics. It’s your life. Shorten it however which way you wish. (On second thought…)

Although, a few bulging muscles would be kind of nice. I’m the lean, greyhound type, gone to flab. Really flab.

So, no. Yours truly, the flabby greyhound-type, won’t be getting any more muscular.

Oh, and when my admitting doctor came by this morning, he said that he’s going send me home on Saturday with more steroid tablets and an appointment to see a rheumatologist.

Rheumatologists deal with a bunch of stuff, including that auto-immune thing – the thing that I described as your body’s immune system staging an emergency out of boredom.

Yeah. That.

2 thoughts on “If You Would Have Told Me LAST Thursday…

  1. Hey John,
    I hope that you were injected with Cortisone which is the weaker injectable steroid of the prednisone pill kind, because I think that you might possibly die if given 250 mg of prednisone. However, I am not a doctor just a frequent steroid user. I would suggest that under the influence of this level of steroid, you might stay away from all things that cause a degree of hyper-ness. (ie caffeine, pseudo-ephedrine, simple sugars, small children and yippy dogs). Also, beware that stopping the thought that comes out to the mouth is almost impossible. And, enjoy the secret world of the experience of PMS, rare is the man that can say “Yeah, I know exactly what your talking about, when you say during that time of the month,’Go hide the knives!'” Hope your experience will be short. Love you!

  2. That much is lethal. Ouch. I’ll try to check into it. I have other friends who are steroid users (you know who you are), so hopefully they’ll chime in on this.

    Hopefully, the steroid that I’m taking isn’t quite the prednisone we’re thinking of.

    Of course, you DO realize that writing about Israel’s treatment and the rank stupidity that is raining disaster down on us is in that category of items that induce hyper-ness?

    But, I understand the hyper inducing effects. I don’t think that I slept for even five minutes last night.

    Oh, and the other good thing about being married to someone who speaks an unorthodox version of English, is that extra split second that it takes me to process keeps me from saying the normally stupid thing.

    Sara, thanks for the info.

    Give Danyelle and Avshalom a hug for me!

    You are one of my two favorite sisters in all the world!

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