I can’t believe it. It’s a Conspiracy!
They’re going to make me stay here for another THREE DAYS! THREE MORE DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!
Earlier in the day, I was given a bit of rather ominous sounding information. My admitting doctor was coming specifically to talk to me. You don’t get that kind of treatment unless you’ve got cancer, or something.
Well, it turns out that what I have is in the ‘or something’ category. The lab results for the biopsy came back, and it looks like I’ve got…
(drum roll please)
Hench-Schonlein Purpura, or HSP!
It’s apparently an auto-immune version of vasculitis. Why can’t I just have a really bad case of ankle acne?
I mean, tomorrow will mark a full week in the hospital, and they’re not just going to keep me here an extra day. They’re keeping me here an extra THREE DAYS! This is going to drive me nuts.
Of course, I was nuts long before I ever reached the hospital.
The upside is that Kwei and I have had the chance to meet two patients already, and it looks like we’ll be seeing a third. Basically, I will have been in the hospital for three times as long as anyone else who has been in my hospital room.
And, I feel fine. Really.
No fever. No pain… well, when I stand up my ankles ache, but… ankle ache shouldn’t put you in the hospital, right?
Outside of this really ugly wound on the side of my left ankle, I am completely and utterly fine. Seriously. Really, really fine.
Am I being kept here as a part of some secret medical experiment?
Are they testing some new biological weapon that targets technical writers?
Maybe they need a Hebrew speaker to enhance the linguistic diversity of this hospital ward?
Are they secretly appalled at my lack of Mandrin and are planning to implement some radical linguistic training program?
Could this be a conspiracy organized by a secret cabal of nurses with nefarious intent towards tall guys with glow-in-the-dark hair?
HELP! HELP! I’ve been kidnapped and held against my will! Help!
Well, I’ll stop here and wait to hear what the doctor says. This had better be good.
Later in the day…
This afternoon, a doctor come into my hospital room and told me that I had vasculitis. But, he did promise to see if I could be released today.
He said that vasculitis patients don’t normally need to be admitted to hospital for treatment. Outpatient treatment is usually fine.
I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM THAT!!
Like I said. No fever. No coughing. No sneezing. No weakness (although, if I am here for another day, there will be some weekness involved, as in a whole week of weekness.).
When I walk down the hallway, the only thing that you can tell is wrong with me is the bandages around my ankles, the hospital bracelet, and the wild caged animal look on my face.
Oh dear, a doctor has come to talk about my hemorrhoids. Yes, my favorite subject, my hemorrhoids.
GET ME OUTTA HERE!!